I started an experiment a few weeks ago.
I was feeling frustrated about seeing the “insanity” around me (like so many of us are) and felt in the moment that I wanted to “do something”.
So I did a snark.
I thought I’d try an experiment where I would push the boundaries on Facebook a bit… posting incendiary truths in such a way to leverage the ideas of common knowledge and persuasion.
It felt fun to do it.
It felt “superior”.
It felt a bit like “hah! take that you fools!”
I even convinced myself that doing so was a social “good” because maybe, just maybe, someone would “wake up” as part of this experiment. I was being oh-so-clever to lean into mass formation psychology and common knowledge effects. My experiment was the bees knees… the cats meow… the bomb!
And I felt like at last I was “doing something”. Yay! (insert pat-on-back emoji here)
But my wife, bless her heart, popped my inflated balloon, so to speak, with two simple questions a few days ago:
“Are you sure this is the right thing to do?”
“Have you prayed about this?”
And those two questions cut me to the quick.
You see, I’m a Christian. I believe in God. I believe that as a Christian I am part of two realities… the world we see, touch, smell, etc. and the Kingdom of God. I have a mixture of values that define who I am and how I navigate each day. Some of those values are based on my upbringing; some on learned experience; and some on my Christian beliefs.
I don’t navigate life perfectly, of course (who does?). Like so many others, I can fall prey to the traps of emotional thinking, fear-mongering, tribalism, and much more.
And then I saw this wonderful post by “bad cattitude” (if you haven’t read this, you should!) El Gato Malo talks about personal agency and ends with four points worth pondering:
learn to feel the seductive pull of “crisis” and see it for what it is.
stop adopting strong views on topics where you have little knowledge.
think for yourself and learn to know when you you know enough to make choices or hold strong views.
err on the side of respecting rights, the agency of others, and non-involvement.
I’ve been “chewing” on those four points, especially the first and last points.
My experiment was not based on those four. In fact, it was based on playing the “game” that I see so many engaged in (that drives me crazy), but trying to play it from “my side” and maybe with more nuance and snark.
The results should have been unsurprising, I guess.
Did I gently correct anyone? No.
Did I convince anyone to rethink “their side”? No.
Did I build bridges? Offer compassionate curiosity? Extend a hand in love? No.
Did I exemplify (and push for) Kingdom values? No.
And so I’m changing course.
I’m not going to “fight fire with fire”.
I’m not going to try to use snark as a weapon.
I’m not going to try and argue someone into “my camp”, especially on the internet.
I am discontinuing this experiment I started.
And I’m going to seek forgiveness from the people who were affected (and offended) by my experiment.
One of them was my former college roommate.
One of them was a cousin of mine.
One of them was a fellow Christian who I haven’t talked to in years.
One of them was an old high school friend.
I don’t know what they will say. I don’t know if they will use my apology in some way against me. Probably not. Hopefully not. But honestly, that doesn’t matter. I will apologize because it’s the right thing to do here… it aligns with my values.
So what’s next?
I’ll continue to strive for reason, freedom, sanity and clarity.
I still believe the world we are living in is going more and more insane and only a remnant minority seems to holds fast to seeing through the fog surrounding us.
But now, more than ever, I will keep my eyes fixed on that other Kingdom.
I will keep myself grounded in a reality that I believe is greater than that which surrounds us day-to-day.
I will keep my Kingdom values at the forefront, where they belong, guiding me and influencing how I participate (or intentionally not participate) in the world.
I will continue to use this substack platform to voice my thoughts, concerns, opinions and conclusions, especially about the insanity I see around us.
I will listen to people like my wife who help me see when I’m not thinking clearly, not listening well, and not letting my values guide me as they should.
And I’ll stop the snark. (There’s plenty of that in the world already).
I won’t stop fighting for sanity in this insane world…
But I’ll stop fighting fire with fire.
I’ll fight it with love instead.
It’s a way better weapon anyway.